Losing My Mom

I found out I was pregnant on December 15, 2017. I lost my mom December 13, 2017. This was such an emotional time in my life. I went through so many emotions, that I did not think I was ever going to feel normal again. The first person I told was my husband(obviously) and I did not tell him until Christmas Eve (announcement story in my Pregnancy blog), so for 9 days, I felt completely alone. I was grieving, I was excited, I was confused. I felt like I was deprived of a "normal" grieving session. I felt guilty for wanting to grieve even though I needed to take of my body for my growing human. This post was not easy to write. It still hurts. I feel guilty for my baby not having any grandmas (my husband lost his mom when he was 20). I know it's not my fault, but I still feel guilty. I feel sad when I see babies with their grandmas. An older lady at my work was smiling and waving at my baby once and told me that baby's can always recognize a grandma. "Not mine", and I went to my desk and cried. I am grateful that my baby has two wonderful women looking out for her in heaven, but more than anything I wish they were down here on Earth with her.