Did you see my blog post a while ago about my current marriage situation? If not, go check it out here first: https://relatablemommy.wixsite.com/yasss/post/my-marriage-right-now
So, things were not getting better. We had gotten to the point where we stopped talking to each other, unless it involved the baby or our housemate. I was like, can you please talk to me about literally anything else! Like I get it, our housemate is a big thing right now, but I was so annoyed with hearing the same complaints from him over and over again, and then silence. We were both so irritated with each other. Everything "relationship-y" stopped. Intimacy is hard anyway since we share a room with a nosey one year old, but it had become non-existent. Our marriage completely fell apart. We didn't even feel like friends anymore. We never stopped loving each other, but it was tough to like each other.
Finally I had enough. I sat him down after baby was asleep one night and told him everything I was feeling, and he did the same. There was yelling. There were tears. There was hugging. There was healing. We made a rule that if we were in bed, there will be no talk about the housemate or the baby or money, but we could talk about anything else. We decided to implement a "date night" (in the house), once a week, like we used to do. We brought intimacy back into our relationship (I mean we still share a room with a nosey one year old, but it's more than none now okay haha). We apologize a lot more. Right after we say something nasty to each other, we apologize. This was big for me. I would say things to him and feel like I didn't need to apologize, because the wife is always right, right? No, this is not true. I was wrong for saying nasty things to him. It was not okay for me to say these things to him, and then not apologize. By apologizing to each other, we realized how many nasty things we had been saying, so it actually helped us cut down the bad things we say.
We aren't perfect, no one is. We still hurt each other, we're still annoyed with each other. But you know what? It's okay. We're working on ourselves and our marriage and that's what matters. We still have the housemate problem, we still have money problems, but we talk about other things now! I ask him how work was, he asks about my day. We are rediscovering what we loved about each other. It almost feels like falling in love again, even though we never stopped loving each other.
We still aren't up to our best married selves, but we are finally heading up the hill. Hitting bottom was hard, so hard. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep, but it's okay. I think we will come out stronger on the other side.