Right now, my marriage is teetering. My marriage is wavering. My marriage is not the sturdy, rock solid platform it usually is. My husband is still going to work. He's essential. But I have very mixed feelings about it. I don't hide it that I'm scared of him going to work in a heavily C19 area. I'm afraid he'll bring it home to me or the baby. He's doing a really good job of washing and sanitizing, but the anxiety is still there. Last week, his work offered him PTO for 2 days! I was so thrilled to get him home more, and safe! But he decided he should go to work anyways to help them out... Now he's always telling me he shows he cares about me by going to work to make money to support us, however I was upset when he was going to get paid regardless, but he still chose to go to work.
He is upset with me, because I work part time. I personally, don't want to work at all, and would love to be a SAHM. I tell him how miserable I would be working full time, and that working part time is my compromise... in my eyes, it doesn't matter to him. I know for a fact that if we were in our own place we would be okay, even with me working part time, and him choosing work. There are so many other factors in our lives right now, that we are taking it out on each other.
I miss our strong, stable marriage. I miss the fun and joy. I know its just our current grey chapter and it won't last forever; it just doesn't feel that way yet. Have I thought about divorce? Yes, and I'm sure he has too. Are we going to get divorced, most likely not. I knew from the moment I met Robert that we were going to get married and have a family. Those feelings don't just disappear over some rough terrain. We will get through this!